Self Righteousness

Here I used Muscle Communication and the dictionary to find priority words to look at in relation to the exploration of my  accepted and lived self definition as Self Righteousness. Here’s the result:

Abstraction: ‘a general idea rather than an actual example’

First point that tested out in dictionary was ‘abstraction’ within the definition of this word I see that my self-defined experienced as Self Righteousness is 'explained' where I’ve mostly haven’t Lived the knowledge and information  as being Living My Self Forgiveness and Physically correcting myself in every single moment – no matter where I place myself in or what I do – which would imply stopping ‘thinking’ that I am ‘living’ my understanding of what Self Honesty is and simply be Here in every breath, devoid of any mind experience directing my world - being the Actual Living Word.

Within this the point of Self Righteousness I've realize that I've been  'blinding me' from realizing that there are certain points that I wasn’t fully living as myself here – and instead I was living within the ‘General notion-Idea-thought-belief-perception’ that I was doing so – because of thinking that I am ‘right’ or 'doing well' within my application in my practical living reality – this is a point of belief as ‘who I am’ which is defining myself as such idea without being able to Fully Act upon my own understanding and correcting myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain as a point of knowledge and information of what being Self Honest is without living it fully and completely - yet thinking that 'I am doing so' because of standing as Self Righteousness wherein I deny any 'corrections' that I have to make in order to fully apply myself and no longer allow me to indulge in any 'idea' that I am living it - but instead living it in fact in my direct reality.

Helmet: ‘a protective hard covering for the head’

Lol – ok so tested out that Self Righteousness is actually a way to Protect myself as My Mind as the ideas, beliefs and perceptions I ‘stand for’ – it is a 'figuratively' way of describing what I'm doing when standing as 'Self Righteousness': deliberately 'defending' my point of view, defending that which 'I stand for' which is yet coming not as a common sensical point of view at times, but from my own beliefs of having 'free will' or 'free choice' - 

Within this, protecting myself in the delusion of thinking that ‘I’m doing fine’ and the rest are wrong –  blinding myself to see what I was really doing within this standing as Self Righteousness, which is the direct effect of protecting my Ego, my ‘precious’ as the ‘idea of self’ that I ‘built’ with ‘such effort in time’ – lol. I remember at some point being ‘proud’ of ‘who I am’ in relation to comparing myself to people in my environment, being proud of ‘going out of the mold’ of my own family and peers, without ever realizing that I was merely standing as a polarity manifestation of the initial reference point which was my environment – thus creating, shaping and molding myself according to being that polarity point.

I realize that I just have to stand here without any ‘standing’ as ‘myself’ as the idea of myself as thoughts, beliefs, pictures and perceptions - but Standing in Self Honesty as myself, without any desire to 'protect' the idea of myself, my beliefs and ideals which have relied on a separate point coming as knowledge and informaiton that  I simply 'adopted' as myself - yet never even lived those points for real. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire protecting the idea of myself as 'valuable' and 'worthy' to think that there exists 'free choice' and 'free will' to 'choose' whatever I 'decide' to do or not to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of stability as 'my ideals' and defending them with all kinds of justifications and excuses without realizing that none of them are valid or real - as who I am is merely a product of a preprogrammed design that isn't Life and disregards the point of Equality - I stop believing myself to be the point that I stand for and I stand here as myself as who I really am in Self Honesty: one and equal

Free Will – ‘the power of making choices without the constraint of fate’

Fascinating because Bernard had pointed out to me that I still Believed in Free Will and Free Choice – which I could directly see when reacting to one point in means of ‘standing’ as ‘what I believe is right’ and what I ‘believe’ I am capable or able to ‘decide upon’ – as if my life was ‘my own’ – Always wanting to ‘win’ according to imposing myself as ‘free will’ –

Free will and Free Choice simply Don’t exist at All – there is no ‘power’ to actually make choices because I’ve never done that in Fact – I’ve always existed as a pre-programmed system with pre-programmed apparent patterns that create the Illusion of being ‘deciding’ for myself, or making certain ‘choices’ that lead me to be ‘who I am’ now – I realize that I’ve placed value and worth on those apparent ‘decision’ and ‘choices’ that ‘I made’ during my life, thinking that somehow those decisions and those points where I apparently ‘stood’ for my ‘Ideals’, made me ‘who I am’ now – which isn’t in fact-so. I was merely trying to stand-against the tide, against the will of people around me, stand against of points of Authority yet, fearing to be ‘in danger’ by doing so which then was a complete ‘limited’ form of “standing” as what I believed –which relied on the point of thinking there is Free Will and Free Choice

Within standing as the belief of ‘Free Will’ I mostly stood as being a point that ‘challenges’ whatever I perceive as being imposed to myself – therefore, within standing as the embodiment of Self Righteousness, I would then see Free Will as ‘I can do whatever I see is ‘good’ and I will be ‘right’ – I can decide for myself, I am the ‘owner’ of my life, I am ‘free to decide’ – which has never actually existed in this world in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there exists 'Free Will' in this reality and that I am able to apply my own 'free will' in order to 'do or be' whatever I see myself as capable of doing within one of my ideas, beliefs and perceptions of 'who I am' and what I stand for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in thinking that I have a 'right' to defend my ideals which are coming from my own view/perspective that isn't taking into consideration what Equality is in practical living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself that there exists a single point of 'free choice' in this world which I would merely be 'following' in means of supporting my idea of self, my own interest, my own 'life' -

Genome: the complete set of genetic material of a living organism

I tested out that this is information that is existent within me at a DNA level which I’ve acquired and got transmitted by my parents and so on –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as the idea /concept of Free Will in relation to how my genetic information was imprinted and downloaded into me as a living organism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ideal of a concept that I considered to be ‘real’ and thus participated and created a point within myself that was still standing as ‘Free Will/Free Choice’ as the ability to ‘choose’ whatever is ‘best for me’ – without questioning this point in its nature according to how this world actually moves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as the belief of ‘Free Will’ and ‘Free Choice’  -within this never clarifying for myself what is it that I am actually ‘defending’ as myself and what does it mean to actually ‘decide’ for myself – which I realize isn’t related to a pre-programmed way of ‘knowing’ what Free Choice is or Free Will is – there exists non of both.

Point in relation to ‘Free will/free choice’ stemming from Self Righteousness:

Junky:’a drug addict’/ ‘a particular fan of an activity’

Within my experience I saw that I had this particular way of always ‘defending’ what I saw was my ‘right to do’ – I would consider such points of ‘defense’ as a way to proclaim my ‘free will’, my ability to ‘manage my world’ according to how I wanted it to be. And I would always try to pull out this point whenever something would come up in my world where my beliefs and actions were challenged by another point.

The word ‘junky’ immediately lead me to seeing how my deliberate ‘choice’ to get myself addicted to something was a way to ‘proclaim’ that I was ‘Free to do whatever I want’, that I could do and say whatever I wanted and ‘wreck’ my life If I decided to – this was mostly as a ‘rebellious’ pattern against my parents specifically.

SO when I decided to engage in the continuous usage of weed, I would often have discussions with people on how we were ‘free’ to do whatever we wanted and be ‘junkies’ because no-one was being affected by it, and I did see it as a point that I had ‘actually’ decided to do for myself – gullibly enough – I saw the embodiment of people within the usage of a drug as ‘exercising’ their free will/free choice to do and drink and consume whatever they wanted because in the end, I would justify it by being ‘the owner of my life’ ‘I’m not affecting anyone, if I fuck up, I will fuck up myself – so what?’ – This was my usual rant and justification for what I was doing – it’s unbelievable that no one around me challenged this positions – and I did allow myself to only be surrounded by people that were supporting me in my own delusion – because we were supporting each other’s delusions and mindfucks.

Also seeing the point that I would deliberately ‘be a fan’ of defending these points of free will/free choice as myself – I would always try and pull this out in people because I thought it to be the ‘right thing’ to ‘claim our rights’ – which was merely placing a commonly-accepted way of justifying anything in this world, which has eventually lead us to the current reality we live in. Unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately deceive myself and others when defending the point of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ as being able to do and say and consume whatever we want to because ‘we’re free’ to do and be so apparently.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my habits and addictions based on free will and free choice – without ever taking into consideration the actual fact of having to ‘justify’ myself within everything I do – instead of ever questioning  these points of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  for trying to justify these points of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ as being an ‘owner’ of my life, which isn’t in fact so – life owns me and I am not yet Living Life – therefore I have no free-choice, no free-will at all.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be around people that convinced me with the point of ‘being able to do whatever we want to’ and justifying it by saying ‘we’re not hurting or damaging anyone’ –

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to be convinced by others that we exist as ‘free will and free choice’ and using this in means of ‘defending’ ourselves from possible reversals to our actions and decisions within our life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify an addiction and convince me that I was merely exerting my ‘free will’ my ‘free choice’ to do whatever I wanted with my life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘good’ about myself whenever I made ‘use’ of my justification as ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ to be and do ‘whatever I want’ –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by my ideas of Free Will and Free Choice and thinking that I am always able to satisfy my needs/desires and wants as I please – this isn’t so, this is in fact the point that has lead this world to be as it is right now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the point of existing in ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ and eventually ‘building up’ myself as my ego, my personality as being able to do ‘whatever I want’ and ‘decide’ because ‘I can – I am a free being’

Immolate – to kill or offer in sacrifice -

This is actually an interesting word which I could immediately relate to the Mexican national anthem – and I questioned why we were singing such words that we –as kids for example – couldn’t even understand. So it’s basically the point of ‘what one is determined to do in means of ‘defense’ – I see that the whole structure of the culture is now of ‘defending’ that which is ‘ours’- like basic abstractions as ‘freedom, free will, equality, democracy’ etc which are merely terms often used in political statements to gain people’s response to vote or ‘decide’ –which has never actually existed in fact.

My experience towards this word is that of ‘doing whatever it takes’ to stand as ‘my beliefs’ or ‘what I think is the best for all’ – without even questioning if such ‘rights’, if such ‘free choice’ even existed. It’s now clear that these are mere words that have never been actually lived in this reality. Yet I stood as this point of ‘defending’ myself within the whole construct of myself as ideas, beliefs, perceptions, etc – without ever fully understanding what is it that I was defending – or wanting to impose as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control my life, to have a certainty in which I can 'rely on' to then direct myself - within this manipulating everything and all around me to get to this point - instead of seeing that my desire for control creates the complete opposite in my life where nothing will work this way because I'm not standing in the best interest of all and taking all into consideration, but only myself in my own desire for 'control'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to solemnly defend my 'rights' and 'ideals' without even questioning where I have acquired them from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a point of 'rebellion' against authority, a point of defending myself just for the sake of not 'submiting' to another- without realizing that within this I am standing as the point that is required for an Authority to exist -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually desire an Authority to exist in my world so I can merely 'follow directions' instead of accepting myself as this point of Self Direction and not allowing me to believe that there is something that I have to 'overcome' but simply to take as myself and direct everything from the constant of Oneness and Equality - taking myself as the point that stands for all in the benefit of all

Pat – tested only two particular lines of the definition:

‘of things said immediately and fluently as if memorized – pat answers’

This is actually an experience that I often have in relation to hearing my own communication towards others -  In this definition the word ‘memorized’ stands-out as realizing that point where we exist as knowledge and how within the process of me creating myself as knowledge and going through life acquiring more knowledge to ‘keep building myself’, I accepted certain words and definitions as myself without ever fully living them or understanding them to the core. This then, turned me into a ‘long-winded’ speaker, I could easily perorate information and knowledge when communicating and the starting point of it was simply to get people ‘agreeing’ with me, or ‘respecting’ me for having such ‘bright ideas’ or ‘concepts’ of ‘who I am’ and ‘what I stand for’ – which were merely words fluently and precisely spoken, just as I had acquired them from a certain source– never really understanding what it meant to live such words in real Life.

This indicates how I easily when ‘clicking’ with certain knowledge and information, I would ‘accept it’ as myself and be able to fluently talk about it, discuss about it or even ‘debate’ it with others, often trying to ‘prove others wrong’ which is the point of Self Righteousness.

Within this I implied that what I saw as ‘correct’ as ‘what’s best’ was the ‘right choice’ and that others were always either ‘missing a point’ – ‘missing The Point’ – or completely ‘lost’ because I always tried and made people to agree with my ‘view of Life’, ‘my perspective’ – which is translated into wanting others to agree with me as a construct of knowledge and information that I simply gathered and defined as ‘my own, my self, who I am and what I stand for’ -  none of which has ever been real.

So this is an interesting point to look at in terms of how I ‘exercise’ my Self Righteousness when communicating with others – this is a ‘behavior-pattern’ that I can still see within myself – so it is time to fully Stop.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be fully aware of my words when communicating with another and go into an automated-rant of verbalizing words that come from a particular perspective of me trying to 'make a point' without taking into consideration if I'm speaking for myself as my 'idea of self' or I am speaking and communicating a point within Self Honesty as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having existed as the point that wants to 'defeat' another within their opinions, beliefs and perceptions, thinking that by speaking fast and using complicated word-structures, I will end up 'beating' another and getting the other person/s to agree with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by using my 'speech abilities' I am able to enhance the idea of myself towards others - without realizing that this merely supports myself as an ego that requires others to agree in order to keep existing

I stop my communication when being rushing and or perorating - I breathe here and allow myself to flow as words in common sense - communicating as myself with myself as myself without trying to make a 'point' within another in a deliberate position to try and convince or make them agree with me.

Ok cool.

No More Limitation =  Money as Life
Equal Money For All

The experience of the majority of human beings currently living in this world is based merely in the amount of Money they possess. It is as if Money was actually the one that possesses a person and deter-mine their position and experience of themselves within this world.

We always complain about how no-one has 'enough money' and how we would actually like to experience a life where we get to be the ones 'on top' - having money, commodities, luxuries and all the 'power' in-hand to make our ‘life experience’ like a dream-come-true.

What we disregard is the Fact that this world works in polarities, this world - as the set-up of the System as it exists now - is based on having only a few on top and the rest and majority of the people 'below' - and just by this simple accepted definition of ourselves and the position we ‘take-on’ within the System, we enslave ourselves to the very few ones on top, to the acceptance of such polarity as ‘the way things are’ and submitting to a ‘way-of-survival’ which we tend to call “life”.

We never take into consideration that it is Ourselves In Fact the ones that are allowing this current 'lifestyle' as ourselves. We are the ones that are clearly submitting to a System - which we all know isn't working at All for All in an Equal way from the perspective that we are all human beings that require basic commodities - and then, accept this Limitation as ourselves without looking at even at the possibility for a Real Evolution - revolution as a Change in the that which keeps the bounds of limitation running: the Money System itself.

It's quite plain to see that due to the fact that we are accepting our current experience as limited from the perspective that we accept the government structures as they are, the educational system, the whole knowledge/science and general cultures 'running' the world – we are accepting and re-creating separation between all parts of a whole that are Equal in Basic Needs to keep on existing on the surface of this Earth. Instead, we’ve been merely blindly-following what is already pre-established as this current System that's running the world - and immediately submitting ourselves to it – and if not, the system takes care of you by making all that’s possible to ‘get you back-in’ once you’ve seen ‘there’s no way out’ -  This is accepting and allowing our Own Self Created Limitation, seeing ourselves as 'powerless' against the 'big machine', that system that seems to have 'life in its own' devouring everything around to satisfy its greed - never realizing and instead overlooking the fact that each and everyone of ourselves is existent as a ‘battery’ that powers the system from an individual scale to a global scale - we are the ones that create the System, We Are the System, and we’re currently doing our best to keep it ‘going’ to its last consequence.

So the question is: Why accept the limitation of ourselves As this System? Why if we are aware that we are actually supporting this system to keep its

‘holds’ on everything as it currently exists - which is clearly and visibly creating the ultimate polarization of Life as a state of Survival - we're not actually taking our Own Hands  into this and see where, how and why we're accepting this System as it currently exists.

Coming to this Earth and arriving to a pre-established System like this world and this society is like merely getting in-line in the Production-Factory-Line that is already 'operating'  - we come by as merely another energy-source/force that comes into play to re-place the old batteries that are non-useful anymore and check it out: we even prepare ourselves for that ‘big step’ in our Lives where we will eventually have to ‘get a job’ and fend for ourselves and then there comes a family to create and support, all ‘settled-down’ in the System…  It has even become a ‘phase’ of any human’s life – Any institution that currently exists: be it politics, education, religion, media, etc - is merely supporting this current 'life-style' as: “Submit to the System - yet entertain yourself with your beliefs and your products that will make your slave-life a lot easier and 'void-filling – smile!” -

We are limiting ourselves within existing and accepting such parameters of what life is. Life shouldn't be about spending your life worried about not having the basics to survive, worried that your children won't have anything to eat - when it's a fact that the Earth is more than willing to give everyone food equally: it's just been Man that doesn't distribute it and make it available that way, because we’re not caring-enough to make-it .work this way - Life isn't about having to get to your extreme bottoms to 'make-it' in this world - going through a point of having to kill, steal, corrupt and abuse anything and all  that's available, just so you can get some money to keep-on 'living' what we call a “Life”.

This isn't acceptable – this is widely evident to see. Yet it is the current way we're existing in this System.

The point we’ve been missing  and we’re still missing within this problem is:  Ourselves - we're missing the point of why we limit ourselves as being capable of Supporting Ourselves As Life within an Equal Money System that will Equally Support Every-One with the basic supply of money  as Life Support- which will be only a way to exchange goods, exchange your Time and Space work for ‘life units’ that will enable you to change your current life as ‘struggle’ into a Life of ‘exploration and expression’ – money will then not be a ‘purpose’ in itself in means of empowerment, but a bridge, a tool to actually change the current Survival-mode into that of a Life-Exploring-Mode, where we can All In Fact Live - not having to worry about getting our basic money to scrape through the week, allowing ourselves to spend our time and breath in discovering ways of how to co-exist equally, not desiring anymore what 'the

other one has’ because: everyone is given the same amount as you. Limitation then- as how you currently experience yourself in your life - will be no-more linked to the fact of having money or not. IT will only be your own-created limitation as the Expression of Life you decide to Experience and Stand as.

Limitation won't exist the moment we realize who we Really Are - not taking the role of being a battery for the system anymore that when getting battered and depleted,  it's simply replaced with 'new energy' - which is your children that are currently being ‘raised', ‘educated’ and apparently 'supported' to get to a position of 'being ready to Survive in this world' – yet  we accept this series of events  as the 'normal way of life: the struggle to make a living' - we are limiting ourselves as Life completely.

Why do we don’t instead of existing as that Will to continue existing as a battery that supports further enslavement –  Will Ourselves the Power that runs a One and Equal  Life-Support -System that will give

Equal Power to Every-One: no more hierarchy, no more polarization - equal ways all-ways.

If we created the Money System in the first place, we are able to get to that same point of every-one agreeing on establishing a New System that will Benefit All - no matter what race, culture, language, religion or political party you are-in - but! to get to this, first we Really have to get to a Self Honest

point within ourselves - individually – to be able to stand as Life and realize that: what's Best for All, will be Best for Me directly in an Equal way; it is to realize that what is currently 'running' this world as it is now, is the desire for power which is greed - greed and the deliberate disregard of another as

You - One and Equal. This point that is currently running within our minds must be discarded when seeing and realizing the obvious: that, this is the very point that’s keeping this whole system in-place – and is evidently collapsing in front of our eyes because its base foundation is that of the desire for achieving power and greed – It never has been there for the Actual Support of Life for Life itself, nor the Equal consideration of All Beings as being Capable of Supporting themselves Equally.

The 'System' right now is merely a reflection of ourselves - we have to Stop this machine of Self-Interest running before it's 'too-late' and we eventually have to face the complete disaster as our own manifested consequences when we see our 'stability' being thrown out of the window: the money System as we currently know it is already collapsing due to a single fact: its own deception, that is our ‘image and likeness’ - we cannot continue enslaving ourselves to a Money System that we created with complete disregard of another as ourselves, as Life - we cannot continue existing in Limitation as we currently do, tampering our whole Life Experience – as at the moment, our Life Experience is not  the Exploration of Life itself and what Living really is – because we’re still accepting our Survival-Mode as 'the way things are'

The Solution has to be created as Ourselves by Ourselves as Life - simply understanding and willing to live as Equal and One as Another and as Any other Being that is currently co-existing Here. We can't disregard the experience of another and not take-it into consideration when we will Stand Up as One and Equals As the ‘Equal Money for All’ system - a new way of living which has to be actually placed in position by ourselves.

We see in an evident way that things aren't working anymore - hell is breaking lose because our containment - COINtament - is falling-apart - it's not supporting all Equally as One. There is no god coming to save us, there is not-one leader in the world currently in power that will solve the problem: we have to Stand As that Leader as that 'God' as being able to Create a Solution that Stands for All Equally, we have to Lead ourselves Out-of Limitation. This point won't come in-itself, each one of us has to take this into consideration and prepare our own understanding of what-it-is and how it will-be to Really Support a Sustainable way of Living, to Explore Life within the use of Money as a Support-System - not as an Enslaving-System to keep us busy and forever trapped in the eternal-desire to 'reach more’ and ‘gain more' at All Cost -

Greed has to stop - and instead we must allow the realization that greed exists because limitation exists as the money system as a symbol of Power - we have to put a Stop to this - and it will be forced-so as Life will no-more be willing to support Human Deception that entails the disregard and dishonor of another as One and Equal as ourselves, as Life.

Let's Stand Up for Ourselves, let’s get out of our self-created cage as the Money System that we live in - we are All that we Need to stop the Greed and See what Life can really Be.

A particular experience I had today was with this workshop mate. Lol yes well, she sat near me most of the times, we communicated at times but there wasn't anything really 'profound' within that. I had certainly noticed that she was playing out certain character due to her environment, her friends, her boyfriend etc. She once confessed that she saw me as being 'femenine' - yes, lol I did laugh - and that she didn't feel that femenine and she asked how old I was because she thought that she had to beging dressing a 'certain way' when getting to an older age - yes, crappy info people get within those 'girly magazines' - so in that moment I just cleared the bullshit and suggested she stopped even taking into consideration what that kind of publications have to say towards anyone - pointed out that one has to wear whatever the fuck we want as long as we're comfortable within that. People STILL place a certain amount of attention towards 'what you wear' - like I get these definitions towards 'what I wear' which I've certainly cleared within myself. Like some see me as 'femenine' just because I wear skirts - lol - and this is an outflow of my past starting point of using/wearing skirt, not anymore, though this is how I am able to see how people are so systematically created even when seeing a certain piece of clothing and placing definitions on to that - never even taking into consideration the actual comfort within it - anyways, I know these topics are rather shallow, but I'm sharing this as that simple suggestion I made few weeks ago lead to this other conversation today.

She opened up and said - without looking to me directly - that she had realized that 'security' is a the problem with her, like not being secure within herself.  This merely confirmed what I had already observed within herself so I had a cool chat with her pointing out stuff that I've practiced within myself - specifically the 'diy flagging points' like placing the 'me' in the center of a page' and then taking out points to that which we've placed definitions on to directly linked to ourselves. Discussed some of my experiences - because she pointed out that she would also like to go somewhere else to travel and do some volunteer work, but she's 'afraid' of leaving her bf and stability - so I simply suggested that she took the opportunity to go and explore  - if she's able to - because no one else will suggest her to do that, that she has to make the decision and direct herself. I shared how I had, in the past, placed myself as being unconditional to certain beings which actually stopped me from doing 'my own thing' and that I eventually regretted that a lot when seeing what I had actually allowed myself - yes mostly what I've shared in here the past year - and she seemed to be grasping everything, and to me is just cool being able to place myself as another human being  - one and equal to her - and share experiences and push to become 'free' in terms of not being attached to anything or anyone from her world, so she can actually see who she really is beyond her little world, daring to go beyond the security of her environment and being alone within a different environment and different people - lol it's cool that once I had told her to breathe when she got quite hectic on stuff - and she just suggested someone to breathe because of --- i don't know what, lol -  but that's cool! Talking with her with regards to my upcoming trip and what I'll be doing kind of pushed her to see that one is able to do something like that and face ourselves.

yes it's been quite a support being living alone here to disengage from myself as'who I am' within a family or certain friends, etc. It is the actual stability HERE, lol wow, I used to be living 'up' for somethign or someone else, placing my actual beingness outside of myself. That's what I shared with A, this girl from the workshop, that self confidence is being able to be and remain stable no matter with whom or where you are, you are always here - because anything that might 'disturb' such stability comes from thoughts as beliefs, ideas, perceptions, judgments, usually coming from the mind that interprets the situation, that assesses it all according to preprogrammed shit to keep us in FEAR of ourselves and others. Lol she eventually said: 'hey marlen, would you like to be my therapist?' lol i just laughed and simply said that she's able to talk with me whenever she wants. As simple as that.

I used to be 'mean' to girls like her that I saw as 'insecure' and then trying to be 'like me' lol, yeah that happend several times in my life and I would get so pissed off everytime, never actually understanding the point within it. I was never standing one and equal towards them, but in superiority therefore defending 'myself' as wanting to remain being the 'self confident' one, never taking them into consideration within THEIR experience. Though there certainly has to be an openness to discuss this things openly, and as I've said, some people are having this experience of 'opening up' within their experience and sharing it. I see that most will definitely hinder themselves and never actually share themselves in fear of what.. same shit: judgments, opinions, ideas or 'how they will THEN be perceived by that person with whom they are sharing their stuff with' - it takes self honesty in every moment meaning, not to judge no matter what the discussion is about, unconditionally hearing here as me. Then we're able to walk together. That's cool. This is one of the things I enjoy most and that I consider worth living for: sharing myself with others and being able to maybe plant a seed of awareness so they are able to water it and see what grows from that.

I insisted on facing ourselves no matter what, even if what we see within ourselves is something we don't like - then we self forgive - These kind of communication and encountering with beings really make me realize that there are still people that believe or 'fall' in the usual and common place-traps for example - belonging to a certain group of friends or people based on what you wear and shit like that.


One thing is certain: I wouldn't have been able to share what I shared and speak what I spoke If I hadn't lived through similar shit myself, it comes from the actual living application of what I shared, and that's what she ended up saying : now I have to place that in practice.  

Last saturday a dog followed me as i was on my way downtown, he followed me for like 15 blocks! lol I went speaking with him, he was hungry and thirsty, was quite hot so I told him I would take him somewhere he could have some water, and I decided I would buy him a meat taco to eat. Lol was so weird him following me, crossing the streets and all behind me... I've never had such an experience before. Took him to a park where he drank from some rain puddles, and then took him to where I bought the meat taco and she gladly devoured it. Then I though 'oh well now that he's gotten food, he'll just walk away' but nope, he kept following me for some more blocks until I went through crowded places and eventually, he got a bit confused with so many people and we 'lost' each other.

Anyways, that was one of the cool experiences I had last week -

I hadn't written because I had been facing my own 'fear of death' and assessing my own shit towards that and the virus around, I know fear is shit and there's no point in sharing 'oh I fear getting the virus' so... yep.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a 'superior place' comparing myself towards other people that I deemed as being 'insecure' because of considering that they 'wanted to be like me' because they saw myself as being 'self confident' - not realizing that this was all my perception of the situation, never even knowing if this was so or not

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to separate myself and exist within selfishness because of not considering those people that experienced themselves as 'insecure' and standing one and equal as them and communicate about it, and instead go into rejection towards them because of them attempting to 'be like me' in certain ways.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel so vexed within anyone trying to 'be like me' because I felt that my 'originality' and my 'uniqueness' was threatened within that, never consdiering the actual starting point within such beings to try and gain self confidence from 'being like another one' - which wouldn't be the 'answer' anyways yet, I never took this into consideration and instead , spited them in means of 'remaining myself and only myself as 'who I am' within the character I so specificaly shaped and created to 'be' like a courageous and strong woman.

I forgive myself that I never took into consideration placing mysel fin the shoes of people that felt insecure within themselves therefore, taking someone else as a some kind of 'role model' as a desired experience within self to be 'apparently 'as 'self confident' as someone else based on how and what a 'self confident' person seems to be like.

Again, I wouldn't consider myself self confident, because I used that image and character in order to hide my own insecurities as well. Just another polarity point, not real, was a huge mask I developed up until few years ago. And this even today lead me to see how I'm standing within this. Definitely a shift in taking such being into consideration AS myself, as my experience and being able to stand up along with her with a simple chat.

That's about it.

enjoy breathing here as we are. Thanks